


Rocketman

by kjack89



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Established Relationship, Feels, Fluff and Angst, Heart-to-Heart, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2020-04-06 17:57:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19067722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kjack89/pseuds/kjack89
Summary: “You’re quiet,” Grantaire remarked as he and Enjolras walked hand-in-hand home from the movie theater, where they had just seen Rocketman. “What’s on your mind?”“Nothing,” Enjolras said. “Just thinking.”“Thought I smelled something burning.” Enjolras didn’t laugh and Grantaire glanced sideways at him. “What are you thinking about?”Enjolras shrugged. “He just reminded me of you, that’s all.” Grantaire frowned in confusion and Enjolras elaborated, “Elton.”“Ah, yes, I see how I can be confused for international pop star Elton John,” Grantaire said dryly.





	Rocketman

**Author's Note:**

> Went and saw Rocketman, had lots of feelings, inflicted them on Enjolras and Grantaire.
> 
> Story of my life, tbh.
> 
> Usual disclaimer. Please be kind and tip your fanfic writers in the form off comments and/or kudos!

“You’re quiet,” Grantaire remarked as he and Enjolras walked hand-in-hand home from the movie theater, where they had just seen Rocketman. The movie had been Grantaire’s idea, as had the institution of mandatory date night some six months previously, but thus far Enjolras hadn’t complained. He also hadn’t completely fallen silent like he was now. “What’s on your mind?” **  
**

“Nothing,” Enjolras said. “Just thinking.”

“Thought I smelled something burning.” Enjolras didn’t laugh and Grantaire glanced sideways at him. “What are you thinking about?”

Enjolras shrugged. “He just reminded me of you, that’s all.” Grantaire frowned in confusion and Enjolras elaborated, “Elton.”

“Ah, yes, I see how I can be confused for international pop star Elton John,” Grantaire said dryly.

Enjolras rolled his eyes. “Well, you both do have a flair for the dramatic,” he said, and Grantaire laughed lightly. “I’m serious, though. I know you’re not a celebrity, but…” He trailed off. “His...depression, I guess, or whatever you want to call it, and his struggle with substance abuse…”

Again he trailed off and Grantaire’s smile faded. “Well. Sure. I do have more in common with Elton John the drug addict than Elton John the singer/songwriter, thank you for that reminder.”

“You also tried to kill yourself the same way.”

Something tightened in Grantaire’s expression. “Well, not quite,” he muttered. “I didn’t throw myself in a pool at my own party, but then again, my theatrics always have been a bit more understated than that.”

Enjolras stopped, turning to take both Grantaire’s hands in his. “I’m sorry,” he said, and to his credit, he sounded it. “I wasn’t planning on saying anything, but—”

“But I did ask,” Grantaire said, half-smiling, and he cocked his head slightly. “What is this really about, anyway?”

“I worry about you.”

Enjolras said the words simply, as if stating a fact, but Grantaire looked taken aback for a moment. “Why?” he blurted, before cocking his head slightly and amending, “I mean, I know _why_ , but why now in particular?”

“Well, for starters, because I always worry about you, since you are particularly worrisome,” Enjolras said, a little too seriously for it to land as a joke as he likely intended. “But also…” He shrugged. “I don’t know. Something about this movie, something about what he was really feeling versus the persona he projected...Can you blame me for thinking of you?” Grantaire didn’t answer and Enjolras took a step toward him. “When you were at your worst,” he said, his voice soft, “you were your most energetic, your loudest, your—” He broke off, struggling for the right word. “You were the most alive,” he said finally. “And then you tried to kill yourself.”

Grantaire nodded slowly. “You’re not wrong,” he said. “But, Enj, this was years ago. And between therapy and everything else, I’m—” He gestured expansively between them. “Honestly, I’m the best I’ve ever been.”

Enjolras smiled at him. “And no one is happier about that than I am, but…”

“But you worry.”

“But I worry.” Enjolras leaned in and kissed his cheek. “You might say it’s my job.”

“And you do it so well,” Grantaire teased, though he frowned when Enjolras didn’t laugh. “You’re still thinking about the movie, aren’t you.”

He didn’t say it as a question and Enjolras just shrugged in response, his expression troubled. “I don’t have a right to ask, he said, “but when you — you know—” He hesitated. “Was it because of me?”

Grantaire took a long moment to answer. “If you had asked me at the time,” he said carefully, “I probably would have said yes.” Enjolras’s expression tightened and Grantaire quickly reached out to grab his hand, squeezing it gently. “But no, Enj, it was never because of you. You were just…” He made a face. “You were unattainable. And so you were what I focused my self-loathing on.”

“I’m sorry.”

Grantaire smiled softly as he reached out to cup Enjolras’s cheek, smoothing his thumb across Enjolras’s cheekbone. “Don’t be,” he said simply. “It’s not your fault, and besides, the time wasn’t right for us then.”

Enjolras turned his head slightly to kiss Grantaire’s palm. “And it is now?” he asked, though his tone was slightly teasing.

“I sure as hell hope so,” Grantaire said with a chuckle.

“And I’m glad it is,” Enjolras said, hesitating before adding, “Still…”

“Why is there always a ‘still’ or a ‘but’ with you?” Grantaire asked with a mostly-fond sigh.

“Still,” Enjolras continued doggedly, “I can’t help but look at the way that his manager, his lover, treated him, and—” He shifted uncomfortably. “Do I treat you the same way? As a means to an end?”

Grantaire stared at him for a moment before snorting. “You have never once treated me as a means to anything,” he told him, laughing. “A nuisance, sure, but, uh, unless you like being distracted all the time, I don’t exactly think you’re using me.”

But Enjolras didn’t smile. “Aren’t I?”

“If you are, this is probably part of a much larger conversation,” Grantaire said calmly.

Enjolras’s expression flickered. “Be serious.”

Grantaire leaned in and kissed him lightly. “I am wild,” he said softly. “Besides, I’m not the one talking nonsense.”

Enjolras sighed. “I just...I get everything I want from you. Excellent sex, an intellectual equal to bounce ideas off of me, even someone whose stubborn ass makes all my ideas better.”

“And I get everything I want out of this,” Grantaire countered. “Because all I want is you.”

“What if that’s not enough for you one day?”

Grantaire shrugged. “Then we’ll deal with that when — or if — that ever happens,” he said evenly, reaching out to lace his fingers with Enjolras’s. “And for what it’s worth, I’m putting my money on if, not when.”

He twisted his wrist to lift Enjolras’s hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to his knuckles, and Enjolras smiled, even if the worry hadn’t quite cleared from his expression. “Besides, the fact that we’re even having this conversation tells me that you are nothing like Elton John’s manager, save for being almost as hot as Richard Madden.”

“Almost?” Enjolras said, mock-insulted, before asking, more earnestly, “What do you mean?”

“I mean, you could have had me when I was broken,” Grantaire said simply. “You could have had me, have taken me, have done anything and everything you wanted to me.” He squeezed Enjolras’s hand. “But you didn’t. You didn’t want me when I was broken.”

Something like guilt flared in Enjolras’s expression. “It wasn’t that I didn’t want you—”

“No, you didn’t, and that’s not a bad thing,” Grantaire told him. “I needed help, professional help, a helluva lot more than you could give me. And besides, you didn’t have any desire to take advantage of me when I was at my most vulnerable.”

Enjolras ducked his head. “I wanted to make sure that this was really what you wanted.”

Grantaire grinned and leaned in, kissing the corner of his mouth. “And I do,” he said simply. “Now c’mon. Let’s go home.”

Together, they walked towards their apartment in comfortably silence when Grantaire said abruptly, “I hope you don’t mind.”

Enjolras glanced over at him. “Don’t mind what?”

“That I put down in words.” Enjolras looked confused until Grantaire finished, singing in a soft voice, “how wonderful life is while you’re in the world.”

Enjolras laughed lightly and shook his head. “You’re a nerd,” he informed him, wrapping an arm around Grantaire’s shoulder and tugging him close to press a kiss to his temple.

“Yeah, but you love me for it.”

Enjolras laughed again. I do,” he said, kissing Grantaire once more before whispering in his ear, “I’ve been loving you, baby, loving you baby for a long time.”


End file.
